…they are struggling to keep Crystal’s oxygen levels stable.
It was well into the afternoon hours before I left the hospital and headed home. Instead of going home, I went to my parent’s house, I just wasn’t feeling like sitting home, alone. Crystal began texting me and was asking for a few things. First, she wanted a more comfortable pillow, “these hospital pillows suck” she wrote. She also requested a few other items like the charging cable for her phone, some chapstick, and a toothbrush. I told her I would bring all these things to the hospital for her first thing in the morning. I texted her a few more times during the late afternoon and early evening but never got a reply from her. I was hoping that the reason for her not responding was just that she was sleeping.
At about 8 o’clock that evening I called the hospital to speak with Crystal’s nurse. I could tell that Crystal hadn’t read my messages from earlier and I was growing concerned because that is unusual for her. Her nurse told me that she was indeed sleeping and had been since she came on shift earlier that evening. When I asked about how the afternoon had gone for Crystal I wasn’t prepared for the answer. The nurse told me that, based on the report she received when she came in that evening, they are struggling to keep Crystal’s oxygen levels stable. They are still in the low 80% range and if that doesn’t change quickly she will be put on a CPAP machine to help her lungs profuse oxygen. This was difficult to hear. I thanked her for the update and asked that someone call me if anything changes. With this new information, I sent messages to my manager at work and to my immediate teammates briefly informing them of the situation and that I don’t know for sure when I would return to work. I received a reply almost immediately from my manager saying “take all the time you need, James. Your family needs you more than we do right now.”
By now I am both mentally and emotionally fatigued. Sleep did not come easy for me that night though. I kept telling myself that I needed to sleep, as I knew I would need to be alert and well-rested for the day that followed. I found my mind and my heart in somewhat of a disagreement with one another. My mind, relying on my years of experience as a first responder, kept going to the worst-case scenario. Crystal’s illness is life-threatening and this could be fatal for her. My heart kept telling me that we serve a Mighty God and that all things are possible through Him! He wants to grant the desires of my heart, and all I need to do is ask. As I laid down to try to sleep I was embattled in a turmoil I had never experienced before. I tried to pray, but I would quickly lose focus and the thoughts that would go through my mind were frightening. Suddenly, I felt a calmness come over me. My mind quieted and I found sleep.
She had tubes connected everywhere and most noticeable was the breathing assistance gear fastened over her nose and mouth.
I was awakened the next morning by my phone ringing. It was the hospital calling. Crystal’s nurse for the day wanted to update me on events from overnight. She informed me that they did have to put Crystal on the CPAP machine early that morning and that for now, her oxygen levels had stabilized. They were still not good but they at least were not dropping. I had forgotten to ask about dropping off the items Crystal asked for the day before so I asked her then if that was okay. She said it wouldn’t be a problem but I may have to just leave them at the nurse’s station. They did not know if the doctor would allow me in the room to see Crystal. I finished getting ready and headed to the hospital. I had to stop on the way there to pick up the chapstick and I decided to add some gifts for Crystal to the bag. I found her a huggable stuffed toy and a card to say I Love You and Get Well Soon.
I walked into the hospital and up to the nurse’s station and informed them who I was. The Nurse Practioner who was helping treat Crystal was at the desk and walked over to speak with me. Crystal’s oxygen levels had begun to fall again. They had just ordered another machine to help her and would be putting her on this machine as soon as respiratory brought it up to them. This machine is called a Vapotherm and provides a more aggressive therapy than the CPAP machine provides. She continued to explain that, given the severity of Crystal’s illness, this hospital is approaching its capacity to care for her and that they are considering transferring her to another medical center. If the Vapotherm does not prove to be effective, their next option is a BiPAP machine. From BiPAP, their only option is sedation, intubation, and a ventilator. Should intubation become necessary Crystal will have to be transferred to a medical center with an Intensive Care Unit.
This information landed hard on my heart! I was happy when they told me that I could visit her though, as long as I was willing to put on full personal protective equipment. I eagerly agreed and was led into a room to apply the equipment. This consisted of a full gown covering all of my clothing, gloves, an N95 facemask, and a face shield. Once dressed appropriately, I was led into Crystal’s room. Crystal was lying there with her eyes closed and did not seem to be aware of us walking into the room. She had tubes connected everywhere and most noticeable was the breathing assistance gear fastened over her nose and mouth. I took her hand and told her “hey sweetie, I’m here.” She opened her eyes and looked at me with kind of half a smile. I offered her the pillow she had requested and placed it behind her head. She settled into the pillow and smiled as best she could, mouthing the words “thank you.” I sat the bag with her chapstick, toothbrush, and my gift for her on the bed next to her and told her they were there. She looked down at the bag then back at me and tried again to say thank you. I asked her how she was feeling today and all she said was “tired.” Crystal was drifting in and out of sleep and after a few more minutes the nurse looked at me with an expression that told me ‘let’s cut this short please.’ I told Crystal that I wanted to let her sleep and that I would visit her again tomorrow. I kissed her on the forehead, gave her hand a squeeze, and walked out of the room.
Walking out of the room, I removed the PPE and disposed of it as instructed, then turned to leave. I must have been visibly upset because the NP walked up to me, put her hand on my shoulder, and reassured me that they are doing everything they can to help Crystal and that they would call me if anything changed. I made it as far as my truck before I broke down in tears. The realization was beginning to hit me that Crystal may not recover from this illness.
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